Fear. Courage. Opposing Forces? Here’s The Missing Link!

Did you ever play with magnets as a kid? There was something fascinating about the “click” of two magnets coming together and the resistance of two opposing each other. Did you ever wonder why that happened? Of course, there is a scientific explanation.

The law of attraction and repulsion. Opposing forces (negative and positive charges) attract and like forces (negative-negative and positive-positive charges) repel each other. From this scientific vantage point, what is your perspective when it comes to fear and courage?

First, let’s begin with a definition of both.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that is happening or might happen.” Fears can arise that are real, imagined, or anticipated as a result of internal chatter, external circumstances, and/or past experiences.

The Cambridge Dictionary, also defined courage as “the ability to control your fear in a dangerous or difficult situation.” Yet, there are many types of courage beyond bravery. Courage is all about your response.

So, let’s get back to you.

• Do you perceive fear and courage as a negative? As a result, are you unable to find the courage to face your fear or expect a positive outcome?

• Do you perceive fear and courage as a positive? Do you use courage to ignore the negative aspects of reality or blame others to avoid pain and accountability? As a result, do you find yourself repeating the same mistakes over and over or experiencing the same difficulties over and over?

• Or do you perceive fear and courage as opposing forces? When fear and courage are seen as opposing forces, connectors, you have the courage to take positive action. The Cambridge Dictionary also defined the phrase, have the courage of your convictions “to be brave and confident enough to do what you believe in.”

When fear, faith, and courage come together, God guides us to act. I don’t know about you, but when I include the missing link of faith (prayer, scripture, wise counsel, etc.), God provides wisdom, discernment, and direction that lead to better outcomes. My courage is God-inspired, that is, my strength and resolve are rooted in Him, our relationship, and His purposes.

At Innovative Leadership Solutions, we have identified the 5 most common Giants facing leaders, teams, and organizations. Every Giant in your life brings fear along with them. To become a battle-ready leader, team, and organization, you must pick up some stones (rock-solid solutions) to face and take down your Giants anytime, anywhere, and any place.

Just like a warrior, you must train to become battle-ready. By the way, warriors would pray before entering battle. While you may not be going to war, your reality is filled with many challenges and fears (i.e., failure, rejection, punishment, etc.) which can be a “battle.” Do not let your Giants trigger these fears that keep you fighting, avoiding, and/or paralyzed to take action. “Courage is fear that has said its prayers” is a quote from American silent actress, Dorothy Bernard. While her intent may not have been faith-based, I believe her metaphor is spot on.

Do not succumb to the Giants in your work and life! Run towards your Giants with God’s help first and experience courage in a whole new light with better outcomes!

Fear-Faith-Courage.

“Never let your fear decide your future.” Dipak Agarwal

Click here to learn more about the 5 most common Giants.

• Which Giant is most threatening to you?

• What is the fear you are experiencing today?

• What do you want to do differently when facing a fear?

• How will you include the missing link of faith before acting with courage?

• How will that choice result in a better outcome?

I am interested in learning more about your “battle.” Let’s talk! Schedule a free consulting call by clicking here to access my calendar.

Do You Share Superman’s Weakness as A Team Player?

(Part I)

Narrator: Faster than a speeding bullet [do speeding tickets count?] More powerful than a locomotive [has more battery life than the Energizer Bunny?]. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound [work output machine in 40+ hour bouts].
Man 1: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird!
Woman 1: It's a plane!
Man 2: It's Superman! [Super Stohlmann!]

~From the Adventures of Superman (Shmoop Quotes)

Invincible. Strong. All-in. I got this. Umm…no I don’t. In my first collegiate women’s basketball coaching and recruiting coordinator position, I flew high (living the dream as a team member of an elite basketball program) and then crashed and burned (completely burnt out). College coaching and recruiting is a grind, no doubt about it. There’s always work to be done. I logged thousands of miles by car, caffeine was my best friend, and I outworked others and the competition. I was determined to get the job done for the benefit of the student-athletes and the success of the program, to a fault.

The surprising truth is what really drove me to “be a team player” was more out of fear than service. For example, there’s a lot of administrative work: such as documentation, emails, phone calls, writing, etc. When I would work overnights, this is what consumed my time. I remember reaching out for help with data entry and the availability to delegate wasn’t an option. So, instead of setting my own limits on time and other tasks (boundaries) and collaborating with other staff members to discover alternative possibilities, I worked more because I feared disappointing others and not pulling my weight to get the job done. I thought I was demonstrating that I was a committed “team player” by going above and beyond the call of duty.

“Are you a team player?” According to BOS Staffing, 9 out of 10 job descriptions have a requirement of being a team player. Afterall, “teamwork makes the dream work,” right? Perhaps you have answered this question in an interview sharing that “you play well with others,” “love to collaborate,” “are dependable,” “committed to getting the job done,” and “always willing to give a helping hand.” Oops. Always.

The strengths you have that positively drive you to be a team player can also be your kryptonite. Kryptonite is the assumptions, beliefs, fears, and judgmental thoughts (“should,” “always,” “never,” etc.) that weakens your ability to set healthy boundaries around your strengths.

With so much emphasis on being a team player in the workplace, does the thought of not being known as one make you shudder? The truth is at your core the thought of “not being a team player” can really drive you to be one. Just not in a healthy and thriving capacity for you or your team’s performance. When boundaries are not distinct and defined by you or that of your team, performance suffers.

Here are 3 symptoms kryptonite has a stronghold on you.

1.     People-Pleasing. The thought of disappointing another person is too hard to bear. Paradoxically it could feel good to gain approval from another person, especially if this person is in a leadership position or there is a strong relationship. However, security in one’s identity is elusive when dependent on “self-esteem” fuel coming from the approval of others.

2.     Always “Yes.” The person struggles to say “No” to requests for help even when it will affect their responsibilities that ultimately affect their contribution to the team’s overall performance. They can be easily overwhelmed with tasks, stressed out, sick, and open themselves up to being manipulated by others.

3.     “One-Down.” An individual’s struggle to say “No” foregoes owning their power and authority to collaborate with others in mutual adult-adult relationships.

A client discovered this in one of our coaching sessions. The fear of not being seen as a team player held her back from setting healthy boundaries. Certainly, she has all of the great qualities of being a team player. She struggled to say “No” to requests for help, especially in light of how COVID had necessitated that team members step up and help. Truly understandable and reasonable. Except, when other team members were not. Why? Because other team members discovered their “go-to” person. It’s like the person who always gets ask to volunteer at church because they will say, “Yes.” Mission accomplished. As a result, this can give others an “out” to step up.

At the root of it all are fears. All sorts of fears, such as loss of status, relationship, and reprisal. Whether or not there is a culture of fear in your workplace, setting healthy boundaries first begins with how you respect yourself.

How do you know what is really driving you to be a team player? Ask yourself, “Am I motivated by fear of others or by a heart of service for others?”

How can you overcome your kryptonite and set healthy boundaries? First, leverage your strength of Superman’s X-ray vision. I invite you to simply notice this week when you say “Yes” to a request, how you feel in the moment, and be curious, “What’s that all about?”. When Superman uses his X-ray vision, he has more information at his disposal. We do too if we pause to notice.

More to come in next week’s post!