Do You Share Superman’s Weakness as A Team Player?

(Part II)

Last week I shared Part I.

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me…”

Now that you have just sung these lyrics by the great, Aretha Franklin, reflect for a moment of what “respect” means to you.

As I mentioned last week, setting healthy boundaries first begins with how you respect yourself.

So, we are on the same page, according to their New York Times bestseller book, Boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend define boundaries as, “anything that helps to differentiate you from someone else, or shows where you begin and end.” It’s about taking ownership of your responsibilities and not taking on the burden of what is not yours. It’s about owning your choice to say “Yes” or “No” to a request and not blaming someone else. It’s about working hard with a purpose and not frantically spinning your wheels on “busy” work.

Without setting clear, defined boundaries, your team members will not know your limits and you will not know theirs. You must make them known. Not in a rigid, stubborn way. But rather working together to co-create specific roles and responsibilities, processes, etc. Otherwise, lots of time, money, energy, and resources of each member is poorly invested. For example, when processes are inefficient, that leads to slower productivity which leads to redo’s and before you know it, hardly any forward progress has been made. That’s not thriving, it’s merely surviving.

When you have clear, defined boundaries you actually gain more respect from others rather than losing respect. Why? Because others know definitely who you are, what you’re about, and what you stand for and what you don’t. So, you take the guesswork right out of the equation which saves you and others mental, emotional, and physical energy in the long run.

With defined boundaries, you protect your “team player” strengths from kryptonite and are motivated by a heart for service. You will actually be the best version of yourself to help your team. Imagine being surrounded and working with others who also share in this operating system. Paradoxically, the act of setting limits provides the safety and security for each person to have freedom of choice.

How do you know if such freedom exists? As a team member do you have the choice to say “No” to a request? If the answer is technically “yes” then the status quo says otherwise. For example, what might be written down in a policy manual somewhere or has been shared in a meeting does not mean it’s a value lived out in the culture. The status quo is reality. If you really don’t feel like you have a choice, based on the culture, then your fears can weaken your boundaries which affects the quality of your performance and the team’s.

There are no limits to what a team could accomplish with healthy boundaries. The team leader sets the tone and co-creates with team members expectations for “team operations.”

Here are 5 simple ways to do a quick “health check” on your team’s boundaries.

1.     Mutual Trust. If trust isn’t present, building relationships that lead to trust is the top priority. Relationships that have trust, are bound together deeper than a task or project. Each member is seen as a person first and the work they do, second.

2.     Mutual Respect. Together with mutual trust, team members are free to bring their whole selves to work and are empowered to do their best work. Respect for diversity in all contexts is present as well as autonomy. There is also a high level of professionalism.

3.     Faith. Each member is motivated by a heart for service and words, actions, and behaviors are done in good faith. The team is a collective unit. Choices and decisions are held to the light of the mission, vision, and core values. There is a culture of freedom that invests time and energy to what’s truly important, the team’s goals, while providing the balance and support for each member to carry out their roles and responsibilities.

4.     Accountability. Without trust and clearly defined roles and responsibilities, accountability tends to be more reactionary and punitive in nature. Instead of “calling out” team members, call them up if they are not abiding to team expectations or not following through on commitments. Like airport security signs, “See Something, Say Something.” These are opportunities for what I call “Growth Conversations.” This takes training.

5.     Fruit. This is measured by the well-being of each member and the team, the quality of relationships and collaboration, and individual and collective performance results.

A traffic stoplight provides a simple framework for setting and expressing healthy boundaries.

Red means stop. Say “No” and provide your reasoning in light of the mission, vision, and core values. What’s the urgency level with the request? Could the team member’s responsibilities suffer if they said, “Yes?” If so, discover if another person could complete the request.

Yellow means pause and proceed with caution. Perhaps the team member needs to assess their ability to take on the request. Accept a “Let me think about it and get back to you by [a certain time]” response. If the urgency level is not high, discover if a later date of completion makes sense.

Green means go. The team member says “Yes,” and the details are worked out collaboratively.

I invite you to experiment and discover what works best for you and your team. The best teams that operate from healthy boundaries protect and play to their strengths. As Phil Jackson said, “The strength of the team is each individual member. The strength of each member is the team.”

P.S. How did last week’s exercise go? I would love to know!

Do You Share Superman’s Weakness as A Team Player?

(Part I)

Narrator: Faster than a speeding bullet [do speeding tickets count?] More powerful than a locomotive [has more battery life than the Energizer Bunny?]. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound [work output machine in 40+ hour bouts].
Man 1: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird!
Woman 1: It's a plane!
Man 2: It's Superman! [Super Stohlmann!]

~From the Adventures of Superman (Shmoop Quotes)

Invincible. Strong. All-in. I got this. Umm…no I don’t. In my first collegiate women’s basketball coaching and recruiting coordinator position, I flew high (living the dream as a team member of an elite basketball program) and then crashed and burned (completely burnt out). College coaching and recruiting is a grind, no doubt about it. There’s always work to be done. I logged thousands of miles by car, caffeine was my best friend, and I outworked others and the competition. I was determined to get the job done for the benefit of the student-athletes and the success of the program, to a fault.

The surprising truth is what really drove me to “be a team player” was more out of fear than service. For example, there’s a lot of administrative work: such as documentation, emails, phone calls, writing, etc. When I would work overnights, this is what consumed my time. I remember reaching out for help with data entry and the availability to delegate wasn’t an option. So, instead of setting my own limits on time and other tasks (boundaries) and collaborating with other staff members to discover alternative possibilities, I worked more because I feared disappointing others and not pulling my weight to get the job done. I thought I was demonstrating that I was a committed “team player” by going above and beyond the call of duty.

“Are you a team player?” According to BOS Staffing, 9 out of 10 job descriptions have a requirement of being a team player. Afterall, “teamwork makes the dream work,” right? Perhaps you have answered this question in an interview sharing that “you play well with others,” “love to collaborate,” “are dependable,” “committed to getting the job done,” and “always willing to give a helping hand.” Oops. Always.

The strengths you have that positively drive you to be a team player can also be your kryptonite. Kryptonite is the assumptions, beliefs, fears, and judgmental thoughts (“should,” “always,” “never,” etc.) that weakens your ability to set healthy boundaries around your strengths.

With so much emphasis on being a team player in the workplace, does the thought of not being known as one make you shudder? The truth is at your core the thought of “not being a team player” can really drive you to be one. Just not in a healthy and thriving capacity for you or your team’s performance. When boundaries are not distinct and defined by you or that of your team, performance suffers.

Here are 3 symptoms kryptonite has a stronghold on you.

1.     People-Pleasing. The thought of disappointing another person is too hard to bear. Paradoxically it could feel good to gain approval from another person, especially if this person is in a leadership position or there is a strong relationship. However, security in one’s identity is elusive when dependent on “self-esteem” fuel coming from the approval of others.

2.     Always “Yes.” The person struggles to say “No” to requests for help even when it will affect their responsibilities that ultimately affect their contribution to the team’s overall performance. They can be easily overwhelmed with tasks, stressed out, sick, and open themselves up to being manipulated by others.

3.     “One-Down.” An individual’s struggle to say “No” foregoes owning their power and authority to collaborate with others in mutual adult-adult relationships.

A client discovered this in one of our coaching sessions. The fear of not being seen as a team player held her back from setting healthy boundaries. Certainly, she has all of the great qualities of being a team player. She struggled to say “No” to requests for help, especially in light of how COVID had necessitated that team members step up and help. Truly understandable and reasonable. Except, when other team members were not. Why? Because other team members discovered their “go-to” person. It’s like the person who always gets ask to volunteer at church because they will say, “Yes.” Mission accomplished. As a result, this can give others an “out” to step up.

At the root of it all are fears. All sorts of fears, such as loss of status, relationship, and reprisal. Whether or not there is a culture of fear in your workplace, setting healthy boundaries first begins with how you respect yourself.

How do you know what is really driving you to be a team player? Ask yourself, “Am I motivated by fear of others or by a heart of service for others?”

How can you overcome your kryptonite and set healthy boundaries? First, leverage your strength of Superman’s X-ray vision. I invite you to simply notice this week when you say “Yes” to a request, how you feel in the moment, and be curious, “What’s that all about?”. When Superman uses his X-ray vision, he has more information at his disposal. We do too if we pause to notice.

More to come in next week’s post!